Date: April 17, 2000 08:59 PM

            Author: Don Operatico (

            Subject: Whitewaterreise


            You'll only get this if you're familiar with Schubert's song cycle,

            Winterreise. If not, you'll just have to get a recording and become

            familiar with it. What a drag.

            1.Gute Nacht: Having finished doing Monica Lewinsky, the Wanderer

            bids her good night. Most applicable quotation: "Meine Hand liebt

            das Wandern" ("my hand likes to wander").


            2.Whitewetterfahne: Gazing at a weathervane on Monica's roof, the

            Wanderer reflects on her infidelity ("She said she wouldn't tell

            anyone about it!)"


            3.Gefrorne Burgers: The Wanderer fortifies himself with big Macs,

            that he might endure his suffering.


            4.Kennethstarrung: While Kenneth Starr seeks out clues to

            presidential misbehavior in the wintry landscape, the Wanderer

            watches, aghast.


            5.Linda-bomb: In one of the most beautiful songs of the cycle, the

            Wanderer makes love to Linda Tripp and bombs a few countries to

            distract the public.


            6.Whitewasserflut: This one's mostly about leaks.


            7.Am Flusse: Ditto.


            8.Rückblick: The Wanderer remembers his night of passion with



            9.Irrlicht: Stoned, the Wanderer beholds an image of Monica



            10.Rast: Gives a new meaning to "Fühlst in der Still erst deinen

            Wurm mit heissen Stich sich regen" ("You feel first in the silence

            your worm which moves with a hot sting", or something to that



            11.Frühlingstraum: The Wanderer has a wet dream.


            12.Einsamkeit: But now, the Wanderer has to face the music alone.


            13.Read all the seamy details in "Die New York Post."


            14.Der greasy Kopf: The Wanderer's head is greasy from all the Big

            Macs he has eaten to ease his torment.


            15.Die Krähe ("The Crow"): The Wanderer suffers from the shrieking

            of Monica to the media, but even more from the shrieking of the

            Republicans who seek to make political capital out of his

            misadventures, and from the media crows that batten upon scandal.


            16.Letzte Hoffnung ("Last Hope"): Perhaps if he offers Monica a

            cabinet position she'll call the whole thing off? Alas, it is not to

            be. The Wanderer falls in a drug-induced stupor.


            17.Mit dem Dorke: To make matters worse, she prefers Al Gore.


            18.Der stürmische Morgen: Cannot the Reporters at least put off

            afflicting the Wanderer till after noon?


            19.Täuschung ("Deception"): Unfortunately difficult to pull off now

            that meine Liebste has spilt the beans.


            20.Der Wegweiser: The Signpost is the Poll which shows that 57% of

            Americans would rather do it with Sieben-von-Neun.


            21.Wirthaus: The Wanderer forgets his sorrows at a "hotel".


            22.The Wanderer's name is "Mud".


            23.Die Nebensohnen ("The mock sons"): The Wanderer, O woe! must pay

            child support for Monica and Paula's children.


            24.Der Liar-man: That about sums it up.



              Date: April 29, 2000 04:19 PM

              Author: Joan Abel

              Subject: Hillary di Washington précis?


              Masterful, Don! Now what can you do with "Die schöne Mullerin?"

              ...or what can the Wanderer do with her?

              Es wird nicht lang vor Bills Schwanengesang... Es steht sich vor,

              Unser Al Gore! Gute Nacht!