Date: March 28, 2000 09:11 PM
Author: Don Operatico (The Baritone-Cave)
Act I:
The Prelude lasts an hour or two. German tradition forbids breathing
at this point.
Scene 1: Flöpse, Möpse and Köttöntäil, echt-Deutsch Playboy bunnies,
swim about in the nude and are lascivious in a wholesome, Teutonic
way. They sing of the Rheindreck while the Orchestra plays the
highly significant Gagging-motiv (though some commentators insist on
calling it the Transfiguration-through-Schwarzwläderkirschtort
-Motiv). Pätär, a loathsome dwarf (or Drivelung) who doesn't even
speak German, eyes them lustfully (Sex-Motiv). Fortunately, the
Rheinplaymates put Pätär to sleep with the Rheindreck-narration,
in which they explain that the Rheindreck is a product of Rhonco (TM)
and is on sale at Sears-und-Rhobuck for just $ 799.99 (regular price,
$809.99); buy two, and you get the Ring of Power for free!!! (Rhonco-
Motiv, Gagging-motiv, Buy!Buy!Buy!Motiv). Pätär buys the Ring, and
promptly uses it to enslave the other Drivelungs (TQM-Motiv).
Date: March 28, 2000 10:01 PM
Author: Don Operatico (The Baritone-Cave)
Subject: Rheindreck Revived
I.2: Wotan tries to get on Oper-L, then gives up in disgust. This
scene lasts two hours (Eternity-motiv).
I.3: Möpse comes with money from selling the Rheindreck, and buys
the job of love-goddess. Wotan wants to buy the Ring from Pätär, so
he turns to Stoge, the God of Cigars, for advice.
Date: March 29, 2000 07:23 PM
Author: Don Operatico (The Baritone-Cave)
Subject: Rheindreck Revived
Act II:
Scene 1: As Wotan and Stoge head for the realm of the
Drivelungs, Helfgott plays that "Bumblebee" thingummy 119, 468
times. Wotan tries to amuse himself by reading old copies of
II.2: In, Drivelheim, Stoge starts an idiotic cigar fad, destroying
the Drivelungs' morale (Stench-motiv). Pätär shows off the magic
powers of the Blarney-helm by turning into Lucky the Leprachaun
(Toor-loora-laddy-motiv). Stoge dares P. to turn into a marshmallow,
then puts him in a cereal and markets him (or it; Gagging-motiv).
From within the bowels of the cereal box, P. curses the Ring
Act III:
Back in the realm of gods, Flicka (Goddess of Porno Films)
warns Wotan not to uise the Ring, then goes off with the Three Porns
to rehearse for a movie (Sex-motiv). The giants Tom and Jerry have
finished Walmart, the Abode of the Gods (Transfiguration-through-
oligopoly-motiv), and demand Möpse as payment (Sex-Motiv), or else
they'll beat Stoge up (Violence). Froh,  the God of Sauerkraut, tries
to bribe them with that revered product  of German Volk-kuisine
Commercial break: Try New McKrautburger for only $3.49
Back in the domain of the gods, Wotan wrangles with the giants over
the price of Walmart (Rhonco-Motiv), while Donner and Blitzen
conceive Rudolpho, the Red-nosed Bohemian (Sexmas-motiv). Tom and
Jerry demand the Rheindreck, including the Ring; $504, 917.38; 287
tons of sauerkraut; and a two-year subscription to Opera Booze
(Gagging-motiv + Kultur-motiv). Wotan at first refuses to give the
giants the Ring, but consents when Murda, Goddess of Something or
Other, tells him that the Gods will gain a net profit of $157, 808.34
@ 19.18% (Whatever-that-means-motiv). The giants fight over who gets
to read the first issue of Opera Booze ("After you! I'll just fiddle
with this ring while I wait. Don't mind me.") Jerry kills Tom and
turns into a dragon after ODing on Sauerkraut (Kultur-motiv). The
gods pay very little attention to this, sauntering into Walmart to
watch Möpse do a strip-tease. The Entrance into Walmart lasts about
three hours (Go-figure-motiv) Wotan and Murda have "sex" (Gagging-motiv)
and beget nine horsy maidens.
Date: March 30, 2000 08:46 AM
Author: Pippo
Subject: Rheindreck Revived
This is beginning to turn me on to Wagner ...