IX. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!

X. This Part Is Scary (They Get It, BTW)

A mummy opened the door. "Did someone call?" it inquired.

"We're in for it now," whined Bombador.

"Grrrrrrr," said the mummy.

Bozo threw a couple of elfstony things at it.

"Boo hoo," said the mummy. "I'm tellin'!"

They went inside, and were instantly attacked by hordes of mummies.
These guys weren't playing around either; they meant business. They
had been kept there by some magic hoodoo thingie, in order to
protect Sauron's Diary from the throngs of people who would otherwise
have gotten ahold of it and used it for evil purposes, such as basing
appallingly bad TV shows on it. The mummies attacked
viciously. Anacin screamed; Fred fainted. Bozo forgot to say
anything sarcastic.

"Abracadabra," said the Druid. The monsters paused.

Waffelon pulled a rabbit out of a hat. The monsters fled in terror.
The Druid collapsed, but no one paid much attention, as they were
more concerned with a giant clam that kept opening and shutting its
mouth. It was in the middle of the room. It was scary. Within its
maw they saw a book. This was the last and most terrible guardian of
Sauron's Diary.

"Bummer," said Fred.

"Use your sword, silly!" said Bozo. "This is the bit where you
redeem yourself."

"Hunh!" said Fred. "I did what you said last time, and it didn't

"You don't get it, do you?" snapped Bozo. "Just do it, already!"

"Fine," said Fred, "but I'll haunt you if I die."

"YR," grunted Bozo.

Fred attacked the clam and killed it. Bozo lifted the book and
removed it from the monster's maw.

"I love the illustrations," said Fred.

"Now it's my turn to do something stupid and redeem myself," said

Bombador growled, "What purpose do you two serve, anyway?"

"We're the protagonists," retorted Bozo. "Deal with it."

A bunch of Nasties attacked. "Boo!" they said.

"Eek!!!!!" said everyone.

"Whatever," said Bozo, tossing some elfstone thingummies at the

"Yikes!" said the monsters, and ran away.

"Whoah, way kewl," said everyone.

XI. Of Course, He Isn't Actually Dead