Chapter I: Fred and Bozo are Bored

II.Bozo is Even More Bored; Fred Faints

Fred and Bozo packed. Fred Hosanna was excited. Bozo wasn't. He
knew only too well how the narrative would work out.

They left a note for their parents: "We've gone on an adventure.
All sorts of horrible things will happen, but we'll become totally
famous heroes and it won't matter that our grades are crummy anymore."

As soon as they left their quaint rustic house, they suddenly felt a
terror so intense that Fred fainted. A black shape was coming
towards them. Was it a Nazgul? A Skull Bearer? A credit card CEO?
It was all these, and far more. For it was a Nasty.

"Is this where I use my magic?" mumbled Bozo.

"You don't have any magic," said Fred, recovering from his faint.

"You obviously haven't read enough of these things," said Bozo. "I
think I'll take out these apparently useless bits of gravel I stuck
in my pocket and throw it at them."

"Works for me," said Fred, as the horror became even more horrifying
and came closer and closer. It was black and ugly and had bad breath
and it was undead and had lots of hitpoints and it was made in Hong
Kong. Bozo threw some gravel at the nasty, and it ran away crying.

"Well, got that out of the way," said Bozo.

"Wow, that was todally

"Whatever," said Bozo.

They travelled a while longer, but this part was really boring, so
we'll skip on to the bit where they get attacked by highwaymen and
get rescued by the bluff, hearty guy.

"Ho, ho, ho!" he laughed heartily, extending an enormous hand to each
of the brothers. "Well met, Fred and Bozo! I'm Bluff Hartibor."

"He would be," muttered Bozo.

"Thanks so much for saving our lives, sir!" said Fred.

"Did you think he wouldn't?" inquired Bozo.

"Ho, ho, ho!" laughed the hearty guy, annoying Bozo immensely by
clapping him on the shoulder. "I'm to be your guide to the Barves;
or specifically, the Barf, Dork Lumpen."

"Cool," said Fred.

"The good news is that this guy'll probably die," whispered Bozo to

"That's not very grateful," reproved Fred.

"He annoys me," said Bozo. "But the narrative requires that we
travel with him. Fortunately, the girl should be turning up

"Which girl?" said Fred Hosanna.

"The love interest, of course," said Bozo. "I wonder which of us will get
her. That is one of the few things that aren't predictable in this genre."

"Ho, ho, ho!" laughed Bluff Hartibor. I will spare you the rest of
his dialogue. Bozo gritted his teeth.

chapter iii. barves are jerks