THE QUEST FOR SAURON'S DIARY
Chapter I: Fred and Bozo are Bored
II.Bozo is Even More Bored; Fred Faints
Fred and Bozo packed. Fred Hosanna
was excited. Bozo wasn't. He
knew only too well how the
narrative would work out.
They left a note for their
parents: "We've gone on an adventure.
All sorts of horrible things will
happen, but we'll become totally
famous heroes and it won't matter
that our grades are crummy anymore."
As soon as they left their quaint
rustic house, they suddenly felt a
terror so intense that Fred
fainted. A black shape was coming
towards them. Was it a Nazgul? A
Skull Bearer? A credit card CEO?
It was all these, and far more.
For it was a Nasty.
"Is this where I use my magic?"
"You don't have any magic," said
Fred, recovering from his faint.
"You obviously haven't read enough
of these things," said Bozo. "I
think I'll take out these
apparently useless bits of gravel I stuck
in my pocket and throw it at them."
"Works for me," said Fred, as the
horror became even more horrifying
and came closer and closer. It was
black and ugly and had bad breath
and it was undead and had lots of
hitpoints and it was made in Hong
Kong. Bozo threw some gravel at
the nasty, and it ran away crying.
"Well, got that out of the way,"
"Wow, that was todally
"Whatever," said Bozo.
They travelled a while longer, but
this part was really boring, so
we'll skip on to the bit where
they get attacked by highwaymen and
get rescued by the bluff, hearty
"Ho, ho, ho!" he laughed heartily,
extending an enormous hand to each
of the brothers. "Well met, Fred
and Bozo! I'm Bluff Hartibor."
"He would be," muttered Bozo.
"Thanks so much for saving our
lives, sir!" said Fred.
"Did you think he wouldn't?"
"Ho, ho, ho!" laughed the hearty
guy, annoying Bozo immensely by
clapping him on the shoulder. "I'm
to be your guide to the Barves;
or specifically, the Barf, Dork
"Cool," said Fred.
"The good news is that this guy'll
probably die," whispered Bozo to
"That's not very grateful,"
"He annoys me," said Bozo. "But
the narrative requires that we
travel with him. Fortunately, the
girl should be turning up
"Which girl?" said Fred Hosanna.
"The love interest, of course,"
said Bozo. "I wonder which of us will get
her. That is one of the few things
that aren't predictable in this genre."
"Ho, ho, ho!" laughed Bluff
Hartibor. I will spare you the rest of
his dialogue. Bozo gritted his
chapter iii. barves are jerks