VY 21 [rougly contmporary with trilobites]

current mood: irritated.

You know, the trouble with being immortal is that I get all my  love affairs mixed up.  I can't recall if the woman Bombadil stole from me was Goldberry or Youwanna. My, I've  had some torrid affairs, and history hasn't even begun yet.

Why, Tom Bombadil and I used to be best buddies, used to go to the limpe bars together every Friday night. I even gave him voice lessons (not that it did any good). When I conquer the world, the ungrateful wretch will pay for having robbed me of my wogah!

btw, is it just me, or was the music to the ainulindale horribly conventional?  No new ideas.  The valar are far too biedermeyer imo.

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Sauron!!! Would you please stop whining about women and concentrate on doing your work. Melkor has AGAIN stomped on my mountains, and we better get them in conical shape again before some ocean leaks in. I'm your employer after all, and I won't tolerate any more slackness from you. Be warned, I'm keeping an eye on this blog.

Well.sorry, but I'm busy expanding my mind (M-I-N-D) by reading Melkor's The Philosophics of Evil: A Trajectory of Thangorodrisms. The philosophical mplications of this work are staggering, and really show up the poverty of thought that reigns in bien-pensant Valinor these days.. And frankly, your assumption that I should do actual mining seems rather quaint.

And I find Melkor's aesthetics of mountain-making (or alpopoesis) fascinating and see no reason why it should be censored.

You're a Maia. M-A-I-A. I am a Vala. V-A-L-A. I am above you. That's the natural order of things. And that is why you will raise the mountains I have envisioned. Watch it, boy. You are one step away from being fired. And by "fired" I don't mean sex with Arien.

mmmh. fired. light. mmmh.

As i recall, we were both at the ainulindale, and you kept singing horribly flat.  No wonder Ea is so aesthetically challenged. I, on the other hand, kept getting compliemented for what was then my soprano.

Speaking of hunger, does anyone know if broccoli is any good?

broccoli. tried.
not good.
belly ouch.

Hmmm. otoh, you really should broaden your diet.  You haven't lived if you haven't tried melkor's elf-caviar.

btw, do my underpants look brilliantly ironic, or just silly.

PS. Your last post was beautiful.


VY 146 [rougly contmporary with pterodactyls]

current mood: irritated.
I've often wondered why my brother Saurtre's Balroging and Nothingness thesis was accepted when my brilliant exposition of "Smart Miners: Foolish Choices" was rejected. I took that idiotic topic and critiqued it with a brilliance worthy of Eldarrida, only more so. But my committee was too damn hidebound. Pretending not to know what I meant by, "The interstices of the subject may be more -- if not significant -- at least more thangorodric than the subject itself, viewed in(ter)- jectionally." Even Tolkas should have been able to grasp that. Of course, the fact that I'd been caught in flagrante with Youwanna didn't help. It was worth it. I'd never done it before, except for the occasional Playmaia Balroguette, and that didn't really count.   And considering I have no legs, I'm rather proud of my performance!

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Caught with Youwanna. With MY WIFE.
That's it.
You're fired.
Go to your Melkor, if you want.

I guess I should throw out Youwanna too, the nymphomaniac. I'm out building fjords, and she grabs the first Maia in sight. Didn't I try to keep her happy? Didn't I even make those funny little men with beards for her, as sex toys to keep her satisfied?

   For a god, you have an appallingly petit-bourgeois outlook, you know.   And just to show how big I   am, if you like, I'll give you a few hints about how to please your wife.  Hint #1: A basic knowledge   of the female anatomy is useful.  

  BTW, your review of Melkor's groundbreaking Angbandism: How the Valinorean Discourse             Others Being, is pathetically simple-minded.



March 7, 3019 T.A.

current mood: bored

No one ever tells me anything! Or maybe it's just that the palantir has been appallingly slow. Who knew that there was a major campaign of narco-terrorism going on, funded by foreign powers? (If I could only find out who's behind it; but I have my suspicions ...)  So much responsibility! Being a ruler was bad enough, without this ... And Shelob just pointed out: what if something happened to those sex-toys? I'll just have to have a probable description sent to all security personnel at once. No more playing around: This Morgai situtation is beyond a joke! Baaah!! All this responsibility is so tiring. I was meant for a life of intellectual exploration and sybaritic self-indulgence: not this!

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Gee, that's tough, Sauron. And the soot from Mount Doom gets onto your clothes and even your hands, don't they? I know I have suffered from that. The trick is to use the new brand of soap I bought - Fluffo, the soap which is so smooth that melts even before you use it. Shelob likes it too.


When I'm bathing with wogan women (from Shelob to Rosie), I choose my soap very carefully to blend with the odors arising from the natural efflusions of wogah -- rather like the perfume of Varda, that wafts unto allergenicity. -- not that I know any more about that than you do.

Did you ever see Varda covered in whipped cream?


Yeah, and we want you to show pix to prove it.  lol.

Mauhúr Mauhúrsson.
 I didn't see this myself, but I managed to get a pic from Youwanna before she dumped me for   Tulkas.  (I just hope Shelob isn't reading this.)